FFWD Weekly
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| CRUISIN' THE COSMOS HOROSCOPES FOR APRIL 2 TO 8 ARIES: Backed into a corner with no escape! Trapped like a rat in a trap! There's only one thing to do... bite anything that comes near ya! Even though in the frenzy a friendly finger might get chewed by you, it's the only way you'll get outta this predicament alive, so do whatcha gotta do! TAURUS: Now you've got a problem. Either your laziness is interfering with your love life or your love life is interfering with your laziness! Looks like you're gonna have to get rid of one or the other. By the way, maybe sleepin' on it ain't exactly the best way to decide. GEMINI: Whew! Thankfully it's all over for now. Even though it's really only a truce, after a battle that brutal it feels more like a win. Instead of all that celebratin', do yourself some recuperatin'. You don't know how long this cease-fire will last before the guns begin to blast. CANCER: Look, you can't figure love out. There's no way to take it apart to see how it works and, if you're dumb enough to try, there's almost no chance you'll put it back together. You can't dissect a living specimen and keep it alive, so ask yourself: Is it a lab rat or a pet mouse? LEO: You da Fire sign supreme and with the Moon on the scene, you're gonna be one flamin' futhermucker by Monday. Because of your warmth, brightness and radiance you'll attract many to your fireside circle. Just make sure they're bringin' something to cook. VIRGO: You've been a good kid up 'til now and you've managed to keep outta too much trouble so far. Keep it up just a little longer and you may get a treat for bein' so well behaved. Otherwise you could end up in juvy with your head shaved and the big kid on the block eyein' your cute butt. Scared straight, yet, or what? LIBRA: You Librans can be pretty lame, especially when you're held back by worries about social conventions, grace, compromise and all those other good things the rest of the world has dispensed with. Sometimes the greatest opportunities come with following your impulses. Sure, someone's feelings may get hurt, but then some people feel hurt if you say "hello" wrong. What does it matter to you? SCORPIO: So far you've been on the right track and workin' hard to realize your vision, but now it seems you think you're too good to work for it. Oh, yeah? Well listen, wisenheimer, nobody ever got nothin' for free and if you try, that's exactly what you'll wind up with - nothin'. SAGITTARIUS: You might think you have to resort to dirty tricks to get what you want, but it's not necessarily so. Get to know 'em instead of tryin' to blow 'em. They'll give it up, but only after they're sure that you're who you say you are. They're not stupid and all that bullshit won't get you too far. CAPRICORN: Aw, quit bein' so grumpy, y'old billy goat! So you're not the boss anymore. So what? It's not like anyone listens to you any longer. Your two bits is still worth 25 cents around here. You just gotta learn that you ain't the only one with purchasin' power. Those crazy kids these days with their dadburned democracy! AQUARIUS: The word "lunatic" comes from the word "Moon," and seein' as how it's opposing you this weekend, you're bound to do something really silly. Yep, if you walk where you aren't lookin' you'll probably step in a pile of shaving cream. At least you'll have yourself convinced that's what it is, anyway. Who's gonna argue with you? PISCES: Everything was floatin' along fine. Then you had to go do something really silly to sink it and now you have nothin'. Or so you think. Take a look at the Titanic, though. It's worth more now that it's been at the bottom of the ocean than it ever was or would have been otherwise. Who says you can't cash in on a disaster, too? |