FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1998 All Rights Reserved.
| FILM Dangerous Beauty If Dangerous Beauty had simply dropped any pretensions of historical accuracy or social commentary, it might have been one of those harmless couple-core Red Shoe Diaries sex romps. Instead, it's hysterically serious over the most insipid script I've seen in years. Somewhere there's a great movie to be made about the oppression of women in the 16 century, but this hammy, airbrushed Fashion-TV ad ain't it. Catherine McCormack, Mel Gibson's doomed girlfriend from Braveheart, swimsuit model grin blazing at a full 300 watts, wanders bewildered through this film as the "Happy Courtesan," aka the Happy Hooker, aka, Pretty Woman, aka The Tooth Fairy, aka Male Masturbatory Fantasy. Unable to marry her hunky noble boyfriend, our 16th Century heroine must become a courtesan because, says the Based On A True story film, boffing Benetton models and deep throating bananas was the only way women were allowed to read and get smart. Yes, after our heroine learns the secrets of the trade from the world's coolest mom, Dangerous Beauty becomes little more than a hooker recruitment film. Be all that you can be! Fight oppression! Compose poetry! Single-handedly save your country by buggering the French king! Or put another way, "Excuse me, when you're done proving the sun is the centre of the solar system, could I get a handjob?" All from the comfort of your own home! My favorite part: she's just finished with her very first client, a hunky Venetian naval officer, she rolls over to face the camera, glowing, beaming, sighs dreamily "Who's next!?!" Now, I'm all for this whole sex worker empowerment thing, but I don't care if you sleep in for a living, anyone who loves their job that much gives me the creeps. Kinda like those Amway people. |