FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1998 All Rights Reserved.
| VIDEO VULTURE Good evening and welcome to the first annual Video Vulture awards! Instead of honoring 1997 releases, the nominees are films that have been profiled in Video Vulture since its first appearance last June. Without further ado, here are this year's winners: · Best Mad Scientist movie - Eyes Without a Face. · Silliest alien costume - Ro-Man, the helmeted gorilla from Robot Monster. · Best title - Yodelling Makes Your Lederhosen Itch. · Strangest chase scene - the opening scene from Mad Mission 3: Our Man From Bond Street. · Largest number of rubber monsters in one movie - Infra-Man. · Funniest audition scene - Rod Rescueman trying out for the part of "hero" in Twice Upon a Time. · Weirdest contagion - Contagious Lupine Homosexuality, as it appears in the film Curse of the Queerwolf. · Strangest cliffhanger serial - The Phantom Empire. · Most unlikely combination of incompatible genres - Blood Freak; a cautionary antidrug/monster-on-the-loose/splatter/Christian morality fable. · Coolest silent film - Witchcraft Through the Ages. · Best film in which at least one line of intelligible dialogue is spoken by a severed head - (tie) Re-Animator and The Brain that Wouldn't Die. · First actress to be the focus of an entire video vulture column - European bust queen Uschi Digart. · First director to be the focus of an entire video vulture column - twisted kiwi genius Peter Jackson. · Best use of stock footage - awarded to the Firesign Theatre, for their hilariously redubbed J-Men Forever! and Firesign Theatre's Hot Shorts. · Most indescribable fight scene - Swordsman 2. Have you seen this thing?! Holy cow! · Strangest Jackie Chan film ever - Fantasy Mission Force. · Most addictive black-and-white cartoon - Lady, Play Your Mandolin. I'm up to my 38th viewing, and I'm starting a support group for fellow addicts. · Lamest excuse for putting a horror movie in a list of Christmas films - I included Deranged on my list of Yuletide recommendations, based on the flimsy premise that the star, Roberts Blossom, played the old man in that X-mas favorite, Home Alone. · Weirdest transformation - (tie) Sir Ralph Richardson metamorphosing into a bed-sitting room in The Bed-Sitting Room, and an entire board of directors merging together and mutating into a really big shoe in Freaked. · Toughest action hero ever to lose the use of both hands - Lion Man, from the movie of the same name. · Worst musical score of all time - Grendel, Grendel, Grendel. · Most grotesque cinematic trend - for some reason, Siamese twins get separated violently in more than 50 per cent of the films in which they appear. · Longest tongue - Toad, the warty henchman from Freaked. Although Toad's actual tongue length is unknown, he was able to snatch an airplane out of the sky and eat it. This impressive feat outclasses the nearest runner-up, the comparatively short 50-foot tongue from A Chinese Ghost Story. · Most ridiculous seduction scene ever filmed - Chatterbox. · Best vampire movie - Martin. · Toughest woman - Varla, as played by Tura Satana in the drive-in classic, Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! · Sexiest nun - Thana (Zoe Tamerlis) in Ms. 45. · Funniest short film made at home with family members - Bedhead, directed by Robert Rodriguez. |