FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1998 All Rights Reserved.



SPLICE
by FFWD Staff

Words I Wish I Wrote

Approaching his 60th birthday, Robert Fulghum, author of All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, and Maybe (Maybe Not), has come to the realization that despite his efforts to speak in his own voice, much of what he's said is neither original or unique.

As a result, Fulghum has gathered words of wisdom which reflect the ideas underlying his own living and thinking in The Words I Wish I Wrote: A Collection of Writing that Inspired My Ideas (Cliff Street Books). The book is dedicated to Robert L. Bernstein, founding chairman of Human Rights Watch (HRW), on whose desk Fulghum first saw the words, "There is no limit to the good a man can do if he doesn't care who gets the credit." In addition, all the author's net royalties from the sales of Words I Wish I Wrote will be given to HRW.

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit."

- Hellen Keller

"If you always do what you always did - you'll always get what you always got."

- Unknown

"Pain is deeper than all thought, laughter is higher than all pain."

- Elbert Hubbard

A Musician's Dictionary

· Applause: Noise made by the audience (often at the wrong time, such as in the middle of a symphony between movements). Intended to signify congratulations, is used almost as often to destroy the mood of a quiet piece of music, and to express a desire to end the performance and go home.

· Choir: A musical organization thought to have been invented by G.F. Handel to assure the perpetuation of performances of "Messiah."

· Church: 1) That institution largely responsible for the existence of choirs, choirmasters, organs, and organists. It is also to blame for sermons, offertories, and other forms of punishment.

· Encore: A nasty method by which performers get back at the audience for its feigned appreciation in the form of applause. It consists of performing an extra piece "off the cuff" (which has been slavishly prepared for weeks). Audiences would be well advised not to applaud at all, so that everyone can get home that much sooner.

· Gregorian Chant: A type of unison singing invented by monks as a mask for snoring.

· Prodigy: A person who shows tremendous musical talent at a very early age. Mozart, one of music's greatest prodigies, set the example that was to be followed by others, by dying at age 36. Those wishing to be considered prodigy material would be well advised to die young, before it becomes apparent that they aren't going to get any better....

· Refrain: 1)The part of a song which keeps being repeated, ad nauseam. 2) What most performers should do.

· Snob, Musical: A person who pretends to know more about music than we pretend to.

· Trill: The musical equivalent of an epileptic seizure.

Source: A Musician's Dictionary (Sound And Vision) by David W. Barber with illustrations by Dave Donald.

Web watch

If Mr Smutty's (sniff, sniff) touching tete-a-tete with Mr Dressup sends you wistfully back to your golden days of early morning kiddie TV - shows like the Polka Dot Door, ZOOM, Hilarious House of Frightenstein, Uncle Bobby, and The Friendly Giant - you'll want to check out the site of someone who's been around entertaining children for almost four decades now. The Hammy Hamster Web site is a wonderful trip down memory lane with the delightful vermin and all his pals who live alongside The Riverbank.

Along with an interactive section which provides fun for kids of all ages, find out about Hammy, GP, The Wise Old Frog and the rest of the animal crew who appear in YTV's latest incarnation of the show - the Gemini-nominated Once Upon A Hamster - as well as the crafty individuals (Canadians, of course) who first realized that hamsters + speedboats/balloons/sports cars = fun!

Free stuff

Note: We don't start giving away the goods until Friday and the office is open from 9 a.m. to noon and 1 p.m. to 5 p.m.

Win a chance to shoot Holly McNarland - see ad for details on how you can win a great prize package including a chance to play laser tag with Holly McNarland and her band, tickets to the show, and other great stuff.

Valentine's Day is coming soon and you have a chance to win a hot date package including movie tickets for the Globe Cinema, a night out at the Vicious Circle and... condoms! The Globe will be showing noon matinees Shall We Dance? or Wings of a Dove, and at midnight, Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery or Romeo and Juliet. All you have to do is reveal something personal about your sex life.


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