FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
Kiss my firm but pliant lips
by John TebbuttIn 1896, an extremely short silent film entitled simply "The Kiss" introduced the world to cinematic smooching. At the time some viewers considered it to be obscene, but today we're all used to seeing movie characters kiss, and in many ways it's an essential component to the moviegoing experience as a whole. Here are a few of the more unusual movie kisses to come along:
· Dr. Caligari (1989): This nightmarish avant- garde film includes a scene in which "erotomaniac" Eleanor Van Houten (Laura Albert) flings open a door, only to find a pulsating wall of flesh behind it. Her initial fear turning to lust, Mrs. Van Houten begins kissing the human mouth in the center of the wall. Suddenly, the mouth grows to the size of a manhole and licks her passionately as the wall of flesh becomes diseased and pustulant. The closing credits list "Tequila Mockingbird" as the Tongue Operator.
· Plymptoons (1992): Among the various wacky cartoons in this collection is "How To Kiss," which resembles an old educational film loop about etiquette. The narration is sincere as a number of smooching techniques such as "the moist kiss," "the nibble kiss" and "the French kiss" are described, but the visual demonstrations are hilariously grotesque. The sound effects are funny, too.
· Allegro Non Troppo (1979): Even the narrator admits that this Italian animated feature is a rip-off of Fantasia, but it's all done imaginatively and with a great sense of humor. The Frankenstein monster is asked to select a finale for the film and he views several non-sequitur cartoon tidbits during his search. One of these is a simple kiss between two characters who manage to suck each other's lips off. A similar fate befell the amorous zombie vicar in the unrated version of Dead Alive (1992).
· The Prophecy (1995): Originally entitled God's Army, this metaphysical horror movie has a truly original premise - there's a second war raging in Heaven and powerful, violent angels are appearing on Earth in search of a human soul that could tip the scales of victory. The soul in question belongs to a notoriously cruel US Army soldier, and good angel Simon (Eric Stoltz) obtains it by kissing the soldier's corpse. He then hides the soul from his enemies by passing it on to a pre-teen girl... by kissing her full on the lips.
· Andy Warhol's Frankenstein (1974): There's plenty of peculiar sexual practices in this graphic horror send-up; Dr. F. gets turned on by gall bladders and other internal organs. His sister/wife (Monique Van Vooren) has a thing for armpits; she slurps under Joe Dallesandro's arm like a suckling piglet at feeding time. Passionate armpit smooching also appears in the hilarious Flirting With Disaster (1996).
· Witchcraft Through the Ages (1921): One of the many startling images in this astonishing silent film is a coven of witches lining up to kiss the Devil's ass, as a gesture of allegiance.
· Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993): "Kiss me like you've never kissed me before," breathes Valeria Golino. Complying, Charlie Sheen tenderly wraps his lips around her nose, as she gasps with pleasure.
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