FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
HOROSCOPES
DECEMBER 26 TO JANUARY 7CAPRICORN: What better way to start off the New Year than with a new Dear? Just when you've given up on Cupid, you'll find a certain someone that'll make you outright stupid. Y'know, walkin' into walls wacky. Go ahead and be totally dumb, chum. Ignorance is bliss so there's really no way you can miss.
AQUARIUS: Just 'cause the last time you ladled out your love soup you ended up with nothin' but soggy crackers, that doesn't mean you should keep it all to yourself. In fact, nobody else is gonna fill your bowl while there's still some in there, so the only way you'll get more is if yours is all dished out.
PISCES: C'mon, who do you think you're kiddin'? You really expect us to believe you're gonna stash that Christmas cash? We know you a little better than that, cat! Especially when it comes to New Year's. Or is that New Beers? Either way, you'll be able to drink like the fish you are. Just don't plan on swimmin' too far.
ARIES: 'Tis the season of givin' and what people really want from you right now is the one thing you hate to give up: yourself. Put it on the line just this one time or else destiny will mess with thee. Big time.
TAURUS: Taking a new path is always hard, but especially so for a bull who loves to plow the same row over and over. It may be harder work in the fresh unfurrowed fields, but it'll actually feel like you're doing something real.
GEMINI: Why is love so cruel? 'Cause you think about it too much, fool! It's like the weather: it's always there, it's always changing and there's not so much you can do about it. If it's cold, you put on something warm. If it's rainin', you put on a raincoat. If it's hot, you take off your clothes. Who needs to think?
CANCER: When the going gets tough, the tough beat up the weak and take their shit from 'em. Now although you may be tempted to bust some melons for moolah this week, is that really you? Wouldn't you get more if you pet those little heads instead?
LEO: Being in love isn't gonna solve all your problems, silly. In fact, most people will tell you that it just creates more of 'em. Usually they're right, but you've never been one to back away from a fight. Why start now?
VIRGO: There's no use blamin' anybody else. You're the one that opened your big mouth and asked for it, now you've gotta deal with it. And the sooner you deal with it the better, because if you don't someone else is going to have to. And you know that means stickin' you with the bill.
LIBRA: Gluttons for punishment, you loony Libras just love to be in love so you shouldn't be surprised when you fall head over heels this week. Remember though, that the world (and your object of desire) are seldom as perfect as the ideals you hold. Love may come easy to you, but it'll go just as easy if you don't work to keep it around.
SCORPIO: This week you'll have more opportunities than a mosquito at a nudist colony. Like that needle-nosed nuisance, you're going to have to be prepared to do a lot of buzzing around to find the fattest one. When you do, sink in your siphon and suck!
SAGITTARIUS: No wonder you're not doing anything! For someone born under the thinker's sign you sure haven't done much thinking about labor-saving devices. If everyone put in as much work and got so little back, no one would be doin' anything! Try the ol' Tom Sawyer trick and get someone/thing else to do your dirty work this weekend.
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