FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
VIDEO VULTURE
You're ugly and your egg-laying hive queen dresses you funny
by John TebbuttThe initial release of Star Wars in 1977 revolutionized cinematic science fiction in many different ways, one of which is costume design. Avoiding the spandex bodysuits that blighted the genre at the time, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo looked relaxed and comfortable in ordinary cloth and linen. It wasn't always like this: there was a time when no sober, rational human being would ever willingly wear the ridiculous get-ups that passed for "futuristic" fashions in the movies. Listed here are a few science fiction films with silly costumes that can still inspire gales of laughter in even the most serious of audiences....
· Robot Monster (1953): The title beastie of this notorious turkey was originally intended to be a robot of some kind, but short of cash and time, 26-year-old director Phil Tucker opted for a simpler, cheaper monster. He hired George Barrows (an acquaintance who owned his own homemade gorilla suit, and worked cheap), and accessorized George's hairy pelt with a round space helmet. The resulting monster looks for all the world like an ape in a deep-sea diving helmet, and must be seen to be believed. As alien invader "Ro-Man," George waves his arms vigorously as he speaks, but since his voice was eventually re-dubbed by a much more laid-back actor, the overall result is indescribably bizarre. Plus, it's in 3-D!
· The Fifth Element (1997): Luc Besson indulges in his obsession with anorexic waifs, and designer Jean-Paul Gaultier gets to realize a fantasy of a future where everybody wears silly designer clothing. Presumably, the cast was too intimidated by Gaultier's reputation to stand up and say "We're not going to wear this!" The costume budget shot out of control - $60,000-outfits are seen for only a few seconds! Some of the characters look good, but they sure don't look comfortable. And those poor cops!
· Undersea Kingdom (1936): Two words: weird hats. "Crash" Corrigan (playing himself) takes a submarine ride that leads to the lost continent of Atlantis, where embarrassing headgear is everywhere. Unga Khan, the sunken civilization's evil tyrant (in a suppository-shaped helmet) plans to either conquer the surface world or destroy it; he hasn't decided yet. Opposing Khan is High Priest Sharad (in an inflatable crown) and our man Crash, resplendent in his foot-long hood-ornamentesque helmet and sequined battle shorts. The extras wear shower caps with lightning bolts coming out of the sides; they bow to their superiors by raising their arms and bending over, which makes them look like they're about to dive into a swimming pool.
· Escape From Galaxy Three (1976): This has to be one of the cheesiest space operas of the '70s. Starry backgrounds in the outer space scenes are lit up in different colors, like Christmas tree lights. The hero's blue spandex leotard with poofy shoulder and elbow pads is only slightly less ridiculous than the heroine's garb. Princess Bellstar, the heroine, wears a similar garment, but with large transparent areas that expose one buttock and one breast. (Her nipple is concealed by a strategically-placed star). Once the spacefaring duo lands on prehistoric Earth, they start wearing the skimpy togas, leather shorts and white disco boots favored by the natives. Even if you've made it this far without laughing, you'll go into convulsions when the villainous King of the Night shows up. If you had to wear this guy's turquoise codpiece, silver lamé cape, over-sized boot and sleeve cuffs, paisley-shaped shoulder pads and glittery frosted beard in a "serious" space movie, you'd probably be traumatized for life.
Back To Main Contents
Back To This Issue Table of Contents