FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
HOROSCOPES
FOR AUGUST 28 - SEPTEMBER 3VIRGO: Have the calm breezes of sultry summer nights cooled you down lately? Well, the rainy season is well on its way and with it is coming a thunderin' typhoon of temptation. You can't harness it, but that storm sure is one helluva ride! Just try to hold on for 10 or they'll send a clown out to save your ass! Who'll look like the joker then?
LIBRA: You Librans are known to be esthetic athletes. If there was a Decorating Decathlon in the Olympics you'd probably kick Michael Smith's ass in everything but the Picture Hanging High Jump. The problem is, he gets a grant to practice prettyin' up the place, while your improvements come out of your own wallet. So watch it.
SCORPIO: The tide has ebbed and now it's flowing. Right over your head. That's what you get for sleeping on the beach. It may be an abrupt and uncomfortable way to wake up, what with salty water goin' up your nose, but at least you didn't drown. This time.
SAGITTARIUS: The more money you make, the more you spend. The more you spend, the more you have. The more you have, the more you need. The more you need, the more you work. The more you work, the more you make. Ever seen a dog chase its tail? Sure, it's fun but....
CAPRICORN: So you've got it all figured out, do ya? All that experience has shown you exactly the way things work, right? Well, when opportunity knocks who says it's going to be on the door? And if it knocks on something else, are you sure you'll know how to open it?
AQAURIUS: Love is a wonderful thing. There's nothing more beautiful than the birds and the bees. The problem with them is that they'll fly away on you. But then, that's what you get for falling in love with a bug isn't it?
PISCES: All right, no BS here. It's time for a change and you know it. This time, it's up to you to do it. Sure, it'll make things a little harder on you (and you a little harder on things) but at least you'll still be the boss. If they don't like it, they can lump it. It's no big loss.
ARIES: Five'll get ya 20 that givin' up is the way to go. On the big roulette Wheel of Fortune you might be able to guess the number, but the color too? Doubtfully. Gambling is the art of goin' with the gut. Quit tryin' to figure it out. Just put your money down and let that baby ride!
TAURUS: So you feel like an upstart, eh? It's gotten so bad on this block that it's time for you to take on the bully, huh? Well, maybe you better work out a bit before you bite. In other words, if you're gonna go on the offensive, you better get pumped unless you wanna get thumped.
GEMINI: Hey, speedy. The door ain't going to be open that long, so you're going to have to be as fast as quicksilver if you want to jump into that opening. It's a good thing you're ruled by Mercury. You know, the God in the brain bucket with wings on his feet and a part-time job delivering flowers. He'll help you out.
CANCER: You'll likely lose some friends this weekend, but that ain't wack, it's wicked. Why? Well, if you lose 'em they weren't really yours in the first place. And now that you know where they stand, you won't be trippin' over 'em any more.
LEO: You've been kinda fat and lazy lately, but that's cool because you've earned it. You are, after all, the king of the jungle. The problem is, it looks like your reign has dried out and someone else is squirting your flowers. What are you gonna do about it?
Back To Main Contents
Back To This Issue Table of Contents