FFWD Weekly
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HOROSCOPES FOR AUGUST 7 -13LEO: So you think you have this strange creature pegged, do you? You know its habits and the best bait possible for trapping it. The only problem is, are you strong enough to wrassle with it once it finds out you have it cornered?
VIRGO: Like light-bearing Lucifer, your devilish derrière has been banished from the pearly gates of Paradise. It ain't as bad as all that, but if you wanna forget, just throw yourself into work and cut off your feelings for awhile. Hey, it worked for your dad, didn't it?
LIBRA: You've definitely gotta get out this weekend, wee one. The Moon is in your sign and the world's at your fingertips. Staying in by yourself would be like keeping a kid in a cage at kindergarten. Not that anyone around here does that kind of stuff or anything.
SCORPIO: Your little applecart has been upset and because you're what they call "the sensitive type," you'll probably pour on the "woe is me" routine. Thing is, if you take a look around you'll see that there was stuff in the cart that you didn't even know was there until it toppled. And it's better than apples.
SAGITTARIUS: The week ahead will be wondrous for being a weasel. Use this time to wriggle your way up in the world by beating 'em down with your brain. You'll get all the luck you need, but when you stop working, so will it.
CAPRICORN: Maybe you should stop beating yourself up, bub. It might be fun, but be realistic. Aren't there much better asses to kick than yours? Well, then get the hell out there with your best pair of boots ya big boob!
AQUARIUS: Trying to overtly influence another in this situation is bad voodoo and could create some deep doo-doo for no one but who? You. It's a darn good thing that you're down with the laissez-faire, n'est pas?
PISCES: It's been said time and time again that if you want to cook an omelette, you've gotta break some eggs. What makes you think a love burger is any different? Just try to be caring when you crack 'em, cutie.
ARIES: You're doing the work of four hands, so it's not that hard to give yourself a pat on the back. Try not to pat too much and make sure it's your back, too. You wouldn't want anyone to think you're a wanker, would you?
TAURUS: It's a beautiful dream to be sure, but it can quickly end. How quick? Jeez... how about as long as it takes to say "flash in the pan?" Take it step by step. That's the only way to build a rep.
GEMINI: Swept off your feet by a new face you'll meet, you'll feel like your life is finally complete. Sorry, but you're dreamin', pal.
CANCER: Things around here are going to change pretty soon, but you knew it had to happen sooner or later. What goes up must come down, so why fight gravity? You really don't figure on winnin', do you?
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