FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
You're Gonna Get a Lickin'
by John TebbuttThe tongue is undeniably an important appendage, but is it of any use in a fight?
Killer Tongue (1996) hasn't been released here yet. The hubba-hubbasome Melinda Clarke stars as a woman who accidentally acquires the title mutation. Could this be the same "Mindy Clarke" who wowed us all in Return of the Living Dead: Part Three? Tongue length: unknown (over five feet).
The Unearthing (1993) An "Aswang" is a type of Filipino vampire that feeds on the blood of unborn babies. Its feeding tactic is to sit on a roof and extend its tongue down through a window into the bedroom of a pregnant woman. This updated version of an old folktale features a scene in which the Aswang falls off a roof and dangles by its tongue. Tongue length: 25 feet.
Freaked (1993) One of this film's outrageous oddities is "Toad," a warty, long-tongued henchman. At one point, he catches and swallows a passing airplane, and then spits out the propeller and burps. Tongue length: unknown, but darn long.
A Chinese Ghost Story (1987) This entertaining fantasy features (among other things) an enormous tongue that coils around its victims like a vicious jungle snake. Don't you hate getting tasted against your will? Tongue length: 50 feet.
Alien (1979) The H.R. Giger-designed alien has a tongue that doubles as an inner mouth, complete with fangs. This toothy muscle can shoot out with alarming speed. Tongue length: 14 inches.
The Shaolin Invincibles (1977) A berserk chopsocky flick about the two beautiful sisters who set out to avenge their parents' death. They face several strange opponents, including two color-coded weirdos named "Black" and "White," who fight with their tongues. Bizarre magazine listed this as one of the 10 strangest post-Bruce Lee kung fu films. Tongue length: three feet each.
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