FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.


Oh You Manson Devil
What kind of girlie name is Marilyn anyway?

It's fun to mis-hear stuff. Like if you were to say, "I just saw Speed 2 starring Sandra Bullock" and I said, "What!?! You've got terrible scarring on your sandy buttocks?!?" That would be piles of fun (and miles of puns) (bringing smiles to nuns) for me. And maybe just maybe for you as well.

So when someone sez, "What's all the hubbub about the on / off / on / off Manson concert - if Charles can make parole, let 'im play!" you know it's just funnin' around all in the name of poor hearing. Charlie Manson has had it tuff: his last parole hearing was buried news-wise thanks to those scene-stealers in Heaven's Gate, and Chuck's even-more-recent in-prison drug bust was equally no news (which makes it good news, y'think?). So if the guy wants to stretch his legs and play a few gigs, so be it. There's a whole generation ("gen next," according to those Pepsi-drinkin' Spice Girls) who've had to make do with Manson on CD, never knowing the pleasure of hearing "Television Mind" or "I Got A Tough Bastard Child Want To Become Into A Samurai" live in concert. (Speaking of live in concert, any word on whether Redd Kross will lug out their Manson cover when they play Race City Speedway next month? Y'know, the one on their '86 Born Innocent LP, the one they left untitled outta fear Charlie'd bust out and get medieval on their underage punk asses? Just wunderin'.) (P'haps there are some tidy parallels to be drawn between Axl Rose pulling the same stunt some 10+ years later with the G'n'R recording of Manson's "Girl, You've Got To Get Into Your Game, Girl" and Bono's tired new toys [kitsch, irony, Warhol]... nah!) Shaddup and let the boy play guitar!

What's up w/ all this MansonMania anyhoo? For e.g., the Unofficial Anthem of Summer '97 is "MMMBop" by a gang of long-haired desert rats calling themselves Manson. "MMMBop" has been riding high on the charts, and on the bestseller list there's Thomas Pynchon's latest tome, Manson & Dixon - a bewildering tale of the two British surveyors who drew up the line between Maryland and Pennsylvania. One surveyor wrestles with the New World's uneasy middle ground b'tween science & magic, the other is content to spraypaint "Helter Skelter" on trees, but both are trapped in a land that is sexy and damned from the get-go. Pynchon argues America was born of bloodshed and weirdness, a country....

...Oh ha ha ha, we all know the 5-alarm fire is re: Marilyn Manson, not Charles! (Wha? Marilyn McCoo's comin' to town? Relax, that's a jokey jokerton.) The pasta-pukin' Doberman-leg-sawing Marilyn Manson is EVIL INCARNATE, and as such SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN OUR COMMUNITY. We must present a strong, unified front and make our message clear: GET THEE BEHIND US, SATAN. WE LINED UP ALL NITE FOR HIP TIX AND THERE'S NO BUDDING.

Marilyn Manson is corrupting the leaders of tomorrow, today. By giving himself (and his bandmates) names combining 20th C. beauties (e.g. Twiggy) and 20th C. beasties (e.g. Ramirez), Marilyn Manson is guilty of spreading lazy thought and cheap ideas which were OK when Warhol or the punks did it 20 / 30 years ago, but ain't no good now. (P'haps there are some tidy parallels to be drawn between MM and Bono's tired new... er, ugh.) Lemme git this straight, Mary: in an era supersaturated (to th' point of glorification) with images of violence, serial killers / mass murderers are the new rocks stars? Noooooo, rock stars are the new rocks stars - so phukkin' cool it with the High School darkness-dabbling, 'kay? (What a perfect segue into a cheap shot: Skooooooolz! Out! For! Summah!) And how can you trust a band whose first hit is a cover? An Eurythmics cover, no less.

If you believe children are our future (and I know you do), insist on better satanic role models. Trent Reznor (even tho he's a Marilyn booster) is OK 'cuz he encourages kids t'expand their booze horizons and try stuff like absinthe instead of just beer. Mick Jagger might be an acceptable dark prince again 'cuz the Dust Bros are doing the new Stones record so maybe it won't stink to high heaven. (Dig that krazy mixed Good / Evil metaphor!) And GWAR are good bad guys 'cuz they use their art school training to make REALLY COOL demon outfits. But Marilyn Manson must be stopped!

Like bugs swarming around a bug lite, like something tiny that's easily crushed by something rilly big, we're all sinners in the hands of an angry god who hates derivative arena rock - REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!

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