FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
DON'T UNIONIZE - ACCESSORIZE
Looking like a million bucks at $6.50/hourNehru jackets and B-boots: fuggetaboutit. When The Beatles wanted to make a real fashion statement, they decked themselves out in bloody butcher gear. The Village People filled their dance-cards and got to meet Steve Guttenberg by dandying up à la cops, construction workers, etc. Retro Flashback: remember how "YMCA" hit #1 the exact same time as the Indian Chief strike paralyzed New York City? Without a doubt, the Villagers had their fingers on the pulse of Everyman. When you want cutting-edge fashion, look to the Worker!
The Average Joe / Joesephete knows where it's at. Like cockroaches, whenever you see one crazy college kid sporting a poly 7-11 smock and ordering a round of Jägermeister 'cuz he effin' loves this song, there are 400 real-life Sev workers passed out in front of the tube after pulling the late shift. The crazy college kid is correct to adopt the working stiff look. It's cool and it cleans up nicely after an eve of puking.
The proletariat are stylin'. It's 8 a.m. on Slave Row - is that Ethan Hawke looking elegantly rumpled après a long night reading Bukowski and smoking Camels, ready / willing / eager to lug drywall for some under-the-table dinero? Or is it some guy who slept in a hedge? Who cares, they both look great!
And you, you're looking mighty fine in those skin-tight hip-huggers. Are you heading out clubbin' or heading home from McDonald's? Why not both? You're a vision in a visor, so work it!
Over at Cinnabon, the staff celebrated Easter (on their own minimum wage accord, a-course) by wearing bunny ears. Are they working, or lounging around the Grotto with Hef? Either / or m'man, sign me up for some ooey-gooey goodness - I wanna party with you!
How about those sexi numbers Safeway's laying on their scabs? Flak jackets and shatter-proof goggles, thine name is temptation!
Yet not everything's hunky-dory on the workaday runway; sometimes The Man will get jealous and try to keep the blue-collar fashion plate down. For e.g.: last week or two months ago, there was a stink over in Toronto or Montreal about a 22 or 24-year-old coffee shop clerk (at a major java chain) who was deep-six'd or -seven'd because she repeatedly refused to remove her tongue piercing. She said the steel barbell was cool; her manager said the full metal mouthful affected her speech and scared customers. In her defense, the ex-koffee kid said something to the effect of, "Thhh peepoz commm'n heh aught intuhstid in whass immeye moufff. Awwwl theh thingin bow ehz kawwfeee." Truer words were never spake.
Workers of the world: 10 minutes (with pay!) for lookin' so good. Wehkuum to Shhhhtahbuz - may Eh taaay yo fasssn orrrrduh?
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