FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
HOROSCOPES
FOR MAR. 20 TO MAR. 26ARIES: Yeah, you're a sharp one, but sometimes you can be too smart for your own good, can't ya? Nobody likes a know-it-all, so think about that before you open your big mouth at the start of the week.
TAURUS: The practical side of you figures that you can do this without taking any hits. Bzzzz!! Wrong. No matter how you work it out, the equation next week is going to be You + Selfishness = Ka-Boom! Hope y'all love the smell of napalm in the morning!
GEMINI: In these tumultuous times of great change, it is best to remember the classic cliché that less is more. Until things are a little bit more stable, you should follow its wisdom or you could end up in more trouble than you bargained for.
CANCER: Isn't it weird how you can have everything in the world you need but still can be unhappy? If you've got money, power and sex you'd think your problems would be solved, but they aren't. It's a good thing you're not like that, huh?
LEO: You'll feel enthusiastic about your earthly environment if you take time out this week to separate the truth from the bullshit. Grab a shovel, lock yourself in a room and figure out which is which or you'll soon be steppin' in a lot of the stinky stuff.
VIRGO: Your powers of attraction (sexual and non) are at their height this weekend. Put your pickiness to work for you and choose your slaves carefully or down the road you could have a revolt on your hands. That's what happens when the help gets uppity.
LIBRA: It seems that at the start of the week you'll have lots of opportunities for love. The main problem will be choosin' 'cause you're having so much fun cruisin'. Well, you've gotta park sometime....
SCORPIO: The only reason you're bummed is because you're too much of a suck to take matters into your own hands. Change if you wanna change, dammit! If you're serious, start in the middle of the week when you can count on the Cosmos to collaborate.
SAGITTARIUS: You've got what you wanted but you're still not happy, are you? Is that because you're a spoiled brat or is it because you're not really sure what it is you want? If you are, you'll get it sooner or later.
CAPRICORN: Whoa! What the hell happened there? You got your ass kicked and now you need to sit in the corner and lick your wounds for awhile. Have you thought about doing things a little differently? Maybe you might wanna check into that while you're alone on the floor in a pool of your own blood.
AQUARIUS: Normally all it takes to work things out is to talk. This time it doesn't seem to be so easy for the two of you. Maybe you need some help, maybe you just need an outside opinion. If you really want it to work you'd do whatever you had to, wouldn't you?
PISCES: Hey, the Hippies believed in free love and look what it did to 'em: turned 'em into yuppie scum. Why? Because free love and free lust are different and with the latter somebody always gets hurt. And if everyone gets hurt, they all get selfish. Then we get more yuppies. Stop the madness!
Back To Main Contents
Back To This Issue Table of Contents