FFWD Weekly
Copyright © 1997. All Rights Reserved.
HOROSCOPE
FOR JAN 16 TO JAN 22CAPRICORN: Well, again the damned stars are tellin' you to give up something. Now, they ain't no liars, so you gotta be holdin' out somewhere. Besides, until you do decide to ditch that extra baggage, you don't really have a hope in hell of gettin' your ass off the ground.
AQUARIUS: You asked for it, you got it, kiddo! If you haven't got the message yet, you will shortly, and just in time for the big bad b-day to boot! Did somebody say birthday? Maybe that's why Jupiter's knockin' on your door... he's got some presents for you!
PISCES: Some pushy little person is going to storm into your life this week. If you don't head for cover, it's probably because you, like, see the rainbow, maaannnn. Heck, you'd probably even see it if you weren't trippin' out, you weirdo.
ARIES: You know you're right, that's how you've been able to get where you are. But the current is against you right now and you're starting to get tired. Quit swimming, though, and you lose everything you've gained so far. So basically don't quit swimming. Okay?
TAURUS: You'll sew up your past so well this week we oughta call you the Happy Tailor. And now that that's over with, it's time for you to move on to something new. Don't fret. You'll love it and be happier than ever before, just don't expect to make a red cent out of it. At least not for a long time, that is.
GEMINI: Work your ass off this weekend and everything will come together for you. Especially if, while you're workin' yours off, you're whuppin' theirs. And really now, that's about the only way you're ever happy, isn't it?
CANCER: Sometimes, to get what we want, we have to tread a hard trail. Lots of times we harden ourselves to do it. It's okay to be soft. In fact, it's better if you are. If you bite the freakin' head off any mutha who pokes you in your soft spot, you can be as soft as you wanna be. Can't ya?
LEO: Sorry to sound like your old man, but the only way you're going to find your happiness is if you're ambitious. Y'know... hunt it down and kill it. You lion-type people oughta be pretty good at that. If you aren't, it's time you took some lessons. Maybe you should rent Trials of Life this week.
VIRGO: Looking at things from a purely practical point of view, a truce is nothing more than a delay in dastardly deeds. If you're going to be the Brutus that breaks one, you better be damn sure you're going to come out as the winner. And there's only one way to make sure of that, isn't there?
LIBRA: You're only going to be bummed if you try to be the boss. Sure you know what you're talking about, but you can't make them morons listen. Just do what you love best and you will be a beacon to those who believe.
SCORPIO: You've just started a new work that promises to bring you success. Of course you already know exactly what needs to be done and how to do it. You're so clever. It's too bad that your own smarts are blocking your way to true success. Maybe if you didn't know jack, you'd get a lot further. Nobody's afraid of a fool!
SAGITTARIUS: Working out a deal just for the sake of getting along is dumb. They'll just screw you in the end, so screw 'em now. Do what you want to, not what you think is right. The only thing you really have to live with isn't them, it's you. Isn't it?
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